Saturday, August 24, 2019

7 QUESTIONS YOU MUST ASK ON A FIRST DATE


SEVEN QUESTIONS YOU MUST ASK ON A FIRST DATE

Note: Asking about a person's sexual history is a big time NO NO--- simply because you are not supposed to be thinking about sex when you first meet someone. You may be thinking about it but you are not supposed to act on those thoughts...not yet. 

Save the intimate relationship questions for a later time.
  
1. Do you want to get married or be in a committed relationship?  This sets the stage for your entire future relationship with this person. You will know right off the bat whether or not this is going to be a one night stand, a purely platonic, or a long-term proposition. A "wrong" answer to this question (for you) will let you know immediately if you are going to ask this person any more questions or if the date is going to be a done deal. You may also find out if the person is already married, but you didn't have to come right out and ask it up front or give them an opportunity to lie to you about their marital status.

2. When was the last time you spoke to your family? Their parents in particular...if they are alive.  The answer to this question allows you to understand what the family dynamic is with this person. If someone does not get along with their family, it is a good indication that they are not going to get along with very many other people in their lives, either. If their family can't stand having them around, what makes you think you're going to have better luck? It will also tell you whether or not the person has or wants to have children because they will probably offer this information in the interim.

3. Did you like going to school when you were a kid?  The answer to this question will let you know whether or not the person is inquisitive and adventurous, or an ignorant stick in the mud who just wants to get you into bed. If you are the one who did not like going to school, then I guess you won't care whether or not the other person was a scholar or not. Water usually seeks it's own level and intelligent people usually seek out other intelligent people and the same thing for dummies.

4. What kind of music do you like to listen to?  The answer to this question will tell you whether or not the two of you will be able to spend hours upon hours around one another without the annoying disruption of listening to music that you either hate or have no desire to be around. Compatibility in musical tastes is one of the fundamental traits that will tell you whether or not you are compatible in other areas of life with that person.

5. What would you like to do to have fun if you didn't have any money? The answer to this question will tell you whether or not the person has an imagination or if they are a spendthrift or not. A person who doesn't have money has to be inventive enough to make the best of a bad situation and not complain about not having something interesting to do. You will be spending a lot of time around this person (hopefully) in the future, so be prepared to learn what really makes them happy in life, besides buying material things or watching TV all of the time.

6. What are your feelings or thoughts about the future of_________? And, you can fill in the blank here with whatever interests you the most. The answer to this question will tell you whether or not the person cares about what matters to you or not. A person who only thinks about their own personal interests is not going to be a good life partner. You must share some common interests (not all) so that you will not look outside of the relationship for fun or stimulation. You will also get an idea abut what is important to that person and whether or not you are compatible in other areas besides the bedroom.

7. How would you feel if you never saw me again? The answer to this question brings you back to the reason why you are on a date with them in the first place. Is it serious? Or, just a passing fancy? A "wrong" answer to this question will tell you, again, whether or not this person is worth spending time with again, or not. An honest answer will tell you what their level of interest in you truly is. If they hesitate to answer it or say something simple like: "I don't know..." again, you will know whether it will be worth your time and energy pursuing any type of long-term relationship without getting too personal with them to begin with.

Do not make it seem like a job interview, although it really is an interview for the "position" of being your future mate.  But, you have to keep it light and non-committal in the beginning so as to not scare the person away with too many personal questions or probing into their personal home life or business. You are merely trying to get a feel for who the person is on the inside and how they think.   
Listen carefully to the answers that you get with the outlook of either keeping them as just a friend, or getting more serious with them in the long run depending upon how they answer the questions. Any answer that does not coincide with what your own personal views, likes or dislikes should be a RED FLAG for you to squash the association IMMEDIATELY.

Do not waste a minute of your time or energy on pursuing a relationship with someone who:

a. Does not have your best interests at heart.
b. You have to "fix" what you perceive to be wrong with them or,
c. You have to hide or downplay the things that are important to you. 
  
The next time you see them or go out with them, you can get a little bit more personal depending upon your level of interest in them. If you are planning to have sex or to get more intimate with them,
YOU MUST ASK if they have any objections to getting tested for STD's or any other sexual problems. 

YOU CANNOT and SHOULD NOT leave anything to chance or supposition because the lack of knowledge in this area could lead to your death or destruction of your physical or mental health.
They should be willing to go with you to the clinic or to take an STD home test with you present.

DO NOT TAKE THEIR WORD FOR IT...that they have already been tested and that they are fine, because PEOPLE LIE all of the time.  And, this is something that is too important to leave to chance.

Have a good time...and keep it light and friendly at first. Save the really intimate questions for later and just enjoy being around someone who makes you happy. Again, if you get any bad vibrations from any answer, it is time to call it quits BEFORE anyone gets too attached or hurt unnecessarily. 

Wednesday, May 20, 2015

YOUR PERFECT MATE...

TODAY MY MESSAGE IS: WHAT MAKES A "PERFECT" MATE? 
First off, I hope you already know that there is no such thing as a perfect human being.    The last perfect human being to walk the earth got crucified 2000 years ago, and we haven't found another one like him since then. So, stop trying to find one to date or marry because they don't exist. Can you say: "A needle in a haystack?"
What you will find is a person,... a human being...with weaknesses, flaws and personality traits... that you can either live with or not. You are not going to change a grown person, no matter how hard you try. That person must want to change FOR THEMSELVES...NOT FOR YOU! So, stop thinking that you are going to find someone who fits your particular MOLD of a perfect mate.
If you are in a relationship that is "working for you"...count yourself as one of the TRULY BLESSED on this Earth because trying to find another human being who shares your own particular likes, dislikes, or strengths and weaknesses is like finding a pearl at an oyster shucking contest. Oh, you may get lucky, alright...it's not IMPOSSIBLE to find that person...it's just really, really, difficult. And, the reason why it is so difficult is because of what I said in the beginning..."You can't find something that only exists in your mind."
You have to realize what is REAL, what is reasonable, and what is not.
You may have what are called "tolerances" or things that you might put up with, but really don't care to have around you, because they basically, rub you the wrong way. But after, five or ten years of being rubbed the wrong way and you will end up with a serious RELATIONSHIP RASH. That's that incurable sore spot on your entire being that makes you either physically or mentally ill just thinking about all of the crap you've been through in your relationships!!
So, if you don't want to lose your mind, or lose your health, your money, your home, your children, or anything else that YOU value in your life because you hooked up with the wrong person...I advise you to GET OUT NOW!! Sit down make a list of your personal TOLERANCES and those things that you absolutely will NOT TOLERATE
Things like: disrespect, financial irresponsibility, physical abuse, unhealthy lifestyles, anger, slovenliness, gambling, and infidelity.  And, then make a list of the things that bother you but you could possibly live with them, without them becoming a serious problem. Things like: temporary unemployment, or mild untidiness, temporary outbursts of emotion, --- some bad but not horrible habits...whatever. 
YOU HAVE TO KNOW your own limits. And, a relationship will test your personal limits to the very end, believe me. Unless you are willing to GO THE DISTANCE and work with what you got...OTHERWISE, IT'S TIME TO GO FISHING!