SEVEN QUESTIONS
YOU MUST ASK ON A FIRST DATE
Note: Asking about a person's sexual history is a big time
NO NO--- simply because you are not supposed to be thinking about sex when you
first meet someone. You may be thinking about it but you are not supposed to
act on those thoughts...not yet.
Save the intimate relationship questions
for a later time.
1. Do you want to get married or be in a committed
relationship? This sets the stage
for your entire future relationship with this person. You will know right off
the bat whether or not this is going to be a one night stand, a purely
platonic, or a long-term proposition. A "wrong" answer to this
question (for you) will let you know immediately if you are going to ask this
person any more questions or if the date is going to be a done deal. You may
also find out if the person is already married, but you didn't have to come
right out and ask it up front or give them an opportunity to lie to you about
their marital status.
2. When was the last time you spoke to your family? Their
parents in particular...if they are alive. The answer to this question allows you to
understand what the family dynamic is with this person. If someone does not get
along with their family, it is a good indication that they are not going to get
along with very many other people in their lives, either. If their family can't
stand having them around, what makes you think you're going to have better
luck? It will also tell you whether or not the person has or wants to have
children because they will probably offer this information in the interim.
3. Did you like going to school when you were a kid? The answer to this question will let you
know whether or not the person is inquisitive and adventurous, or an ignorant
stick in the mud who just wants to get you into bed. If you are the one who did
not like going to school, then I guess you won't care whether or not the other
person was a scholar or not. Water usually seeks it's own level and intelligent
people usually seek out other intelligent people and the same thing for
dummies.
4. What kind of music do you like to listen to? The answer to this question will tell you
whether or not the two of you will be able to spend hours upon hours around one
another without the annoying disruption of listening to music that you either
hate or have no desire to be around. Compatibility in musical tastes is one of
the fundamental traits that will tell you whether or not you are compatible in
other areas of life with that person.
5. What would you like to do to have fun if you didn't
have any money? The answer to this question will tell you whether or not
the person has an imagination or if they are a spendthrift or not. A person who
doesn't have money has to be inventive enough to make the best of a bad situation
and not complain about not having something interesting to do. You will be
spending a lot of time around this person (hopefully) in the future, so be
prepared to learn what really makes them happy in life, besides buying material
things or watching TV all of the time.
6. What are your feelings or thoughts about the future
of_________? And, you can fill in the blank here with whatever interests
you the most. The answer to this question will tell you whether or not the
person cares about what matters to you or not. A person who only thinks about
their own personal interests is not going to be a good life partner. You must
share some common interests (not all) so that you will not look outside of the
relationship for fun or stimulation. You will also get an idea abut what is
important to that person and whether or not you are compatible in other areas
besides the bedroom.
7. How would you feel if you never saw me again? The
answer to this question brings you back to the reason why you are on a date
with them in the first place. Is it serious? Or, just a passing fancy? A
"wrong" answer to this question will tell you, again, whether or not
this person is worth spending time with again, or not. An honest answer will
tell you what their level of interest in you truly is. If they hesitate to
answer it or say something simple like: "I don't know..." again, you
will know whether it will be worth your time and energy pursuing any type of
long-term relationship without getting too personal with them to begin with.
Do not make it seem like a job interview, although it
really is an interview for the "position" of being your future
mate. But, you have to keep it light and
non-committal in the beginning so as to not scare the person away with too many
personal questions or probing into their personal home life or business. You are merely trying to get a feel for who the person is on the inside and how they think.
Listen carefully to the answers that you get with the
outlook of either keeping them as just a friend, or getting more serious with them in the
long run depending upon how they answer the questions. Any answer that does not coincide with what your own personal views,
likes or dislikes should be a RED FLAG for you to squash the
association IMMEDIATELY.
Do not waste a minute of your time or energy on pursuing a relationship
with someone who:
a. Does not have your best interests at heart.
b. You have to "fix" what you perceive to be wrong
with them or,
c. You have to hide or downplay the things that are
important to you.
The next time you see them or go out with them, you can get
a little bit more personal depending upon your level of interest in them. If
you are planning to have sex or to get more intimate with them,
YOU MUST ASK if they have any objections to getting
tested for STD's or any other sexual problems.
YOU CANNOT and SHOULD NOT leave anything to chance or
supposition because the lack of knowledge in this area could lead to your
death or destruction of your physical or mental health.
They should be willing to go with you to the clinic or to
take an STD home test with you present.
DO NOT TAKE THEIR WORD FOR IT...that they have
already been tested and that they are fine, because PEOPLE LIE all of
the time. And, this is something that is
too important to leave to chance.
Have a good time...and keep it light and friendly at
first. Save the really intimate questions for later and just enjoy being around
someone who makes you happy. Again, if you get any bad vibrations from any
answer, it is time to call it quits BEFORE anyone gets too attached or
hurt unnecessarily.
